A treatise against building jumbo-jets in churches.
It is a common and well-known fact that merging onto any of the local highways in Phoenix is a precarious and ill-advised endeavor. But rest assured I have discovered why.
It turns out there is a little known regulation, if we can call it that, that if adhered to, will allow the common and unsuspecting motorist unmolested access to one of the racetracks…ahem…freeways around Phoenix.
You see, you need an “access sticker.” The freeway access sticker has the three letters: “CCV” This sticker is to be applied next to the other stickers on the back glass of your car that tells the world how many times you’ve reproduced. This is of course very valuable and useful information to the common and unsuspecting motorist. Where was I? Oh yes, freeway access stickers.
To obtain one of these freeway access stickers you must find the megachurch that is so large, they rent out their space so Boeing can build jumbo-jets in the aisles when Sunday services are concluded. The structure is not hard to find.
Once inside the jumbo-jet manufacturing facility slash church, locate the gift shop and ask the government highway official behind the cash register, hint: don’t ask her if she’s sleeping, she’s not, for a Phoenix freeway access pass. More than likely she’ll give you some excuse such as “I have no idea what you are talking about,” but don’t be deterred! Simply tell her you need the freeway access pass that you stick to your back glass on your car.
Once you have convinced the official you are not Satan, Catholic, North Korean, or a Star Wars fan, not that being a star wars fan is inherently evil, just that the last Star Wars release coincided with her birthday which her sweet grandson attended and forgot to call her. She will begin to show you the stickers availavle. Take the one that says CCV.
Attach said sticker to your back glass and then enjoy merging onto all of the Phoenix freeways! Oh and next time you are blocked by a car not letting you merge onto the freeway and the back glass has CCV on it….it’s probably me because its a rule that’s what you do to everyone else that doesn’t have this very important sticker!